#260
The Fish And Chips Cometh
I think most Americans with any imagination and joy for
things different from their own lives and surroundings; which I admit is
probably a small grouping, see Great Britain, The United Kingdom, and London as
something other worldly, slightly askew from the rest of reality.
We here in the hand of the hamburger don’t even really teach
our own geography and history properly so it’s no surprise when we get
information extremely wrong.
Basically I’m saying it ant my fault.
Excuses, excuses, excuses.
For those who get confused with Great Britain, The United
Kingdom, and London, about what is what and what’s in between, and I know you
are there, several of you are related to me. Let us right here talk about Great
Britain and The United Kingdom which both are used to describe the country by a
lot of people here in my part of the world. Some even say London as in London
is the country.
That’s like saying Chicago in referring to the United
States.
FYI, it actually should be stated as The United Kingdom Of
Great Britain And Northern Ireland.
Politically Great Britain refers to England(London),
Scotland(Edinburgh), and Wales(Cardiff) but not Northern Ireland.
London is the capital city of Great Britain with other
interesting cities such as Brighton, Coventry, Leeds, Liverpool (full of YA
writers), Manchester (full of diabolical masterminds), Nottingham (home of The
Kingdoms Thieves Guild), and Sheffield (which is nice if you don’t mind running
into elderly cannibals.)
Now with me saying all that above and probably getting most
of it wrong enough to have half the places mentioned wanting my head on a
platter now, I will say I’m going to refer to the country as simply Great
Britain because if anything else that’s how I grew up thinking of it as.
But I will stand on the fact firm that Manchester is full of
diabolical masterminds.
On the surface Great Britain seems to be a prime example for
any country on the subject of having to deal with being around during the time
of the Beyond Human surge as some biologists are calling it.
On the surface Great Britain doesn’t seem to have any Beyond
Humans anymore. The whole “On the surface” thing should tell you something that
I don’t need to really say.
The last time a Beyond Human was reported in Great Britain
was in 1980 and her name was Stacey Jealous. That’s a story that will wait
until the time I let one of the British voices in my head out to play.
Outside the surface layer Queen and Country are protected by
some very old, very ancient, very unusual forces that have become the secret
weapon of the nation’s defenses. Very few people even within the Queen’s
borders know about these facts.
The whole story is only known by a handful of people and
even those working within these layers of protection don’t know much. Just
follow orders is a powerful thing. It can shift ideas, pound tyrants, and craft
empire.ING
In a secret room, during a secret meeting, a covenant of
blood was made. A treaty was struck and a transaction was made for magical
forces to defend the royal bloodline and her close lands.
You are sick on your own Australia and Canada.
Very few people know about this and no one yet from other
governments, though all know something is up. There are spells and other such
stuff to protect these secrets and to keep people from revealing them. Such as
if an agent leaves Her Majesties Service he or she will lose the knowledge of
how the government pack with these other forces works. They will feels gaps in
their soul, and this makes many commit suicide in time.
There isn’t another nation on the planet that hasn’t been
touched by the power of a Beyond Human attack except for Great Britain. The
deal is basically a trade covenant that is reliant upon an agreed upon a protection
structure.
That was two “upons” for the price of one.
Because of this deal Great Britain has always requested
Pulpy stay off their lands and out of their airspace. Officially their
statement is we don’t need you because Great Britain is not America and unique
among nations in our blood and our way of life.
People just know something is up with Great Britain and
Beyond Humans, they just haven’t been able to figure it out yet but one nation
among all the others in the world and no Beyond Human activity, yea, ok, that
doesn’t scream something is up.
Great Britain was the original drafters of the United
Nations Beyond Human Articles Of War And Peace Time. The Prime Minister of
Great Britain has been the Prime Minister since just after World War Two, they
have even changed laws to keep him in office. A very old man now the prime
minister of Great Britain is rarely seen today and speaks mainly through
representatives and the royal family.
This mystery surrounding the Prime Minister is one of the
many reasons there is a growing mistrust between the British government and its
people, especially its youth.
Though there isn’t any Beyond Human activity in Great
Britain that is known they do have some of the strictest and some say most
inhuman Beyond Human laws ready to be enforced. The way they are ready to treat
Beyond Humans makes the United States look like the Republic Of Ireland.
But all of that aside, one of the most unusual things about
Great Britain is MBH-13 and all of its sub divisions and one very image to
behold agent in Dexter Morse. Known for his flashy weird styles of dress and
personality changes this is one agent who has faced the uncanny and learned to
back it down a time or two.
Today Dexter is fresh from a mission to Japan he was sent on
to bring back a fleeing fugitive for an Other Realm ally. This has become his
specialty, tracking down fugitives, and keeping them off the worlds radar.
This fugitive was named Braxtel, former knight captain to
King Iubdan Of The Tiny People. Hey, don’t yell at me about political
correctness, that’s what they were called.
When the old Gods left they granted King Iubdan and his
people rule of a realm called Grandabull, called the place of small giants now.
Dexter found Braxtel in an underground Japanese brothel
packed with living school girl sex dolls and creatures of Japanese myth down on
their luck. Japan was a country that intergraded its ancient culture into its
modern living better than any other. Most of that is on the underground down
low and out of total public knowledge but if you dig, and not even that far,
you will find it.
For someone who walks the alleys that Dexter walks a trip to
Japan is never boring. Impossible to be boring. It would be dangerous for
someone like him to find boring in Japan.
It took some persuasion and a kick in the mouth from Dexter,
that broke Braxtel’s jaw, but in time he agreed to come back quietly so he
could be returned to his home realm.
After he handed Braxtel, slightly broken, over to a group of
Tiny Knights…..what else am I going to call them, Dexter headed home for a few
moments of rest, back at his London apartment.
If you ever wondered why London apartments seemed to be
price ranged out of the reach of just about everyone it’s because most of them
are homes for government types of some sort.
Dexter is settling into his after mission routine of one
plate of curry and one of fish & chips. The curry is from a special curry
place ran and owned by a former troll who immigrated to this realm. The fish
& chip shop that he loves is owned by some old lady from Manchester.
He makes a point of only eating curry and fish & chips
when he returns home so it creates another reason to make him want to return
home. On the road he likes to explore other cultures food choices.
Dexter is an adapter, though he always adapts in strange
ways. His personality shifts with the winds and so does his tastes in clothes
and food.
Except for curry and fish & chips when he comes home.
He has always kept his apartment decorated sparsely. It’s
kind of a British thing anyways, unlike Americans who stuff their homes with
everything they can get their hands on.
The thing is there isn’t anything in this apartment that
isn’t dangerous. I mean you travel around you take a thing or two from you
travels, even if that might brake some rules or not be the smartest thing to
do.
The oak bookcase once belonged to a group of Liverpool
writers who about a year ago wrote a reality into being by use of bone carved
pens and human soul ink. Dexter brought them in and now they work on propaganda
for the Royal Family.
Someone said he once used The Bible Of The Orchid Secret as
toilet paper but that story is pretty absurd.
He does have some dragon poop in his icebox though but
that’s just in case he has a party or orgy or something along those lines.
The carpet was found in Iraq and is held down with
Buckingham Palace chairs. Yes, it’s a flying carpet and the very notion of that
maybe a little racist but flying carpets are cool so when the idea for one
enters my brain I use it.
The chairs were in Buckingham Palace until a couple security
guards once sat in them for too long and they relaxed so much they almost
stopped breathing. They were a jinx trap set by the dark warlock Dewolfe.
The secret first children of Princess Diana disappeared from
history from the other two chairs in the room. That’s why he has plastic covers
over them, old grandma style.
There is no TV or electronics because when home he wants his
mind to relax. He doesn’t even read that much at home though he usually tells
himself he’s going to.
Nothing in the kitchen but a big supply of plastic forks,
spoons, and knives, and a number of different glass wear.
Some wall decorations that embellish the place are a sword
from The Island Of Gods Garden (he was almost eaten on that trip, though that
wasn’t the first time he was almost eaten), a shield that once belonged to
Alexander The Great which was stolen on a battlefield (it possesses a power to
make its holder a great warrior), a necklace gifted from an Angel to a belly
dancer (it smells as sugary as a burning human), and jar of huge spider
eggs-pickled (found underground in a Cult temple in Africa.)
A Guy can’t drink pickled egg juice though, it causes Daggs
Fever, but he does need something to drink while eating so a quick trip to the
bathroom was in order. If you want to discover the truth nature of someone you
just have to visit their bathroom.
Dexter opens the bathroom door and there was a bathroom,
which isn’t a surprise but it was not an apartment bathroom but a bathroom in a
pub in another reality. And you thought walking into someone’s bathroom to find
a dildo or hair clogging the drain was weird.
Dexter walked into the bathroom, took a piss, and walked out
into a bar during its early morning before opening period.
He didn’t wash his hands.
How un-British of him.
The bar tender was pulling down chairs and bar stools
preparing to open. His bar attracts some strange people but not many stranger
than Dexter.
His name is Triet, bar tenders and nicknames, what’s with
that?
‘You would think alternate realities would clock match?’
Triet
‘Or maybe I’m always here during closing hours on purpose?’
Dexter
‘Spooks, no matter what reality you’re from, all assholes,’
Triet
‘Well, the God Mark smells like marshmallows.’ Dexter
‘We just call it home,’ Triet
‘And Demons don’t call Hell, Hell,’ Dexter
‘What do they call it?’ Triet
‘Fred,’ Dexter
Triet reaches over the bar and pulls out a bottle of scotch,
‘Blah blah blah.’
Dexter grabs the bottle with a smile and heads back to his
towards the bathroom, ‘Best booze in the T.C.S.’
Crossing reality thresholds always makes Dexter piss so as
soon as he leaves the bar bathroom and reenters his apartment he has to piss in
a jar. That will go down the drain later.
After pissing he is finally ready to eat his curry and fish
& chips. Thoughts of coming home and doing this keeps him going sometimes
when nothing else will. Sometimes it’s the simple things that can inspire us to
keep going.
He is ready to sit down and eat when a knock comes to sound
at his door. This is why he doesn’t take things easy and eat curry one day,
fish & chips the next, because usually he only gets one day to rest and a
lot of the time not even one day.
Dexter opens the door to find his Envelope standing there
all professional and ready to ruin what of the day that was his.
An Envelope is the one who gives out mission assignments to
Dexter and his like. They also operate as top secret mailmen between agents and
the MBH-13 Inner Circle. Most field agents never get a glimpse of any sort of
base operation.
Dexter turns away from the door slightly pissed, ‘No, no,
no, no, I’m starving and this scotch is screaming for the blood of my liver.’
The Envelope entered, closing the door behind her with a
small grin on her face, ‘This isn’t for a few months.’ Envelope Babble
‘Where?’ Dexter
‘Boston,’ Envelope Babble
Dexter grabbed his curry and sat down in the floor and
started eating, ‘Really, off to the colonies I go?’
‘Those chips look good,’ Envelope Babble
Dexter looked up at her, ‘Do you mind drinking from a
bottle?’
‘No, sounds like a treat,’ Envelope Babble
‘Just don’t eat all the chips,’ Dexter told her.
Envelope Babble grabbed the fish & chips container and
sat down in the floor beside Dexter. The bottle was between them.
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to you who have books like this in your collection? Now that I put my hand down
we can continue with the credits and copyright and legal and stuff that people
just don’t ever pay attention to unless it is pumping their own horn.
An Original Publication of System* Publishing,
a Tin Universe book published by System*Publishing, a
division of System*Productions, Melbourne, Florida. This book is a
work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the
author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events
or locales or persons, living or dead or living dead, is entirely and very much
so in the coincidental.
Smashwords Edition Copyright © 2015, Brian
C. Williams, System*Productions. Tin Universe Daily, and
all related titles, characters, and elements are trademarks of System*Productions.
All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions
thereof in any form whatsoever. While unauthorized reproduction is sometimes
needed, please remember us writers types are for the most part a poor lot just
in search of a ways to tell our stories and enough money to add to our Doctor
Who collections….well, at least that fits me. For more information on Tin Universe Daily, the artists who
contributed to this book, and Tin Universe contact System*Productions at
hangofwednesday@gmail.com
Written by Brian C. Williams
Edited by Brian C. William
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